Wednesday's Wonders

Annette : Gloria

Cutting Cords

I spent a very sweet Sunday morning in the garden after a deeply challenging Saturday. My garden heals. It never fails. The blooms, fruits, birds, bees and herbs produce such a balm... Little else compares.

My dear Ana, a healer herself, lovingly performed a cord cutting ceremony for me last night after I placed a call of desperation. Letting go of an unhealthy connection to someone is wise (an overdue)... but painful in a way I cannot accurately describe.

"Talk about him. Bring the feelings to the surface," she said... but the feelings of pain, loss, rejection and failure were already spilling over. I'm a Cancer. I cry relatively frequently. But this was overwhelming even to me... I could barely breathe as the tears rushed out from behind my eyes. "I am going to begin with your third eye," Ana went on in her warm, soothing voice. "Okay," I croaked.

She went on to my throat, heart, solar plexus, root... feet. That's when I really felt it. As she moved, I suddenly felt as if I was standing in a pool of salty tears. My feet felt wet... but glued solidly to the ground... as if I were weighed down by many lifetimes of sorrow which had begun to melt around my toes. Just as suddenly, I felt untethered. I began to rock and sway... and my feet, as well as the tears, dried. I was cut free. Together, our intentions had successfully released me from at least some those ropes to which I've clung far too long. "This doesn't completely separate you from the other person. It just gives you a clean slate."

No, I don't feel as though the letting go process is over. In fact, my dreams were filled with my hearts rebellion against the ritual and I awoke with a new ache. Still, I do feel changed and am more confident in my ability to move forward.

I told him that I would not be contacting him "for a while." I'm not sure what that will turn out to be, but I have at least promised myself a week. He is loving and will respect my healing process. In our conversation yesterday morning, he made it very clear to me that all he has ever wanted was to cherish our friendship, to keep from hurting me, and to respect my feelings even if he didn't mirror them. (Of course, in his efforts to shield me from hurt, he helped me to create more... but that is human nature... and I place no blame. Blame is a worthless endeavor anyway.) Though I was pressing him, challenging him to be mean to me, to "cut to the heart and hurt me enough so that I can let go," he said only gentle things, trying as he might to make me feel better. "But none of this is really about me, is it?"

Ah. He CAN be insightful. And though I lashed out at one point, he remained present and I could hear true love in his voice. "I WANT your FRIENDSHIP," he said with a certain sense of grief... or fear... or both. That's when I finally woke up... and when those tears started bursting out with a force I've never before experienced.

And so, I'm cut... and will try to find some solid ground as, right now, I feel myself blowing around in the wind.

Of course I would spend this morning in my garden... my little piece of ground. She's a healer... and whispered to me so many insightful, beautiful things today.

I just ran into my friend Rob here at Stella's and he asked me about my new job with Greenpeace. "I'm so proud of you," he said. What a sweet, lovely thing to say! Melanie, too, has been so supportive and has expressed her pride. Oh, how I need those affirmations! While I struggle with feelings of defeat and failure in my love life, I am being built up in other ways. This job is another bit of ground on which to land.

People have said that one negative, cutting remark can ink out a hundred positive, reaffirming remarks. I am finding this to be completely untrue, at least where my new career is concerned. Literally hundreds of people try to bring me down each week... "You look like you need to find a real job," one grumpy, sad little man said to me last Tuesday... But just a handful of supportive comments from a few have successfully kept me buoyed. Thank goodness. It would be a much tougher job otherwise! It isn't easy to share controversial opinions with strangers!

A little tenderness goes a long, long way. Ana shared so much of hers with me last night and I am deeply grateful. I attempted to be tender to myself as well... easing myself into a tub filled with steamy lavender water and then allowing myself to sleep the clock around before heading out to the back yard.

The tenderness of my garden is unparalleled. The delicate tendrils of my morning glory vines seem to have wrapped themselves around my heart, holding the pieces together while the softness of leaves and blooms brushed away the hardened bits.

Melanie called just as I was cleaning up from my play. "How are you doing today?... (He) was a growing experience, Rabbit. Better things are waiting for you. ...Maybe God wants you to concentrate on Greenpeace." Maybe He does. It's a wonderful thought at the very least. Perhaps if I continued to hold onto this old longing... I would not have been open or available enough to succeed the way I know I can in this new job.

Or perhaps I needed to be broken completely open in order to be more compassionate toward those who would rather sling hurtful barbs at me than admit they are unwilling to hear something inconvenient... something which might require them to change.

Change can be so horribly difficult.

In order to be truly successful at helping to end the destruction we are imposing on the earth, I'm going to have to be tender and sweet myself... no matter how much resistance I face, no matter how rude or cutting people become. After all, I'm surviving THIS... this cutting of the cords... this letting go and moving forward.

All photos copyright 2009 - Gloria D. Price

Greenpeacery

I was named "Best Damned Greenpeacer" last week and was mentioned in the NATIONAL newsletter for having signed up 7 members in my first TWO days on the street. I finished the week with one of the highest sign-up's/stops ratios in the country. My boss's boss is flying in from D.C. Monday to do some city coordinator interviews and also wants to sit down and talk with me. HIS boss is going to be out on the street to watch my team leader at work... and I happen to be working with them, too. (Thanks, Candace.) It's big doin's for little Glo.

I want the following to happen: Ayla, my team leader, will be promoted to city director and I will then be appointed team leader in her place.

As long as I am able to continue to kick some canvassing ass, which seems likely as I only get better at this with each day, I should be in a good position. I need to do a stellar job on Monday and get a slew of sign-up's. (If anyone wants to become a member of GP, please call me that day and I'll get you started!)

It gives me a lot of focus and I certainly need that right now... as I am cutting the cord with a certain someone who as occupied so much of my time and energy these last couple of years. I don't intend to hide my pain with work, of course... still, it is easier to heal when your mind is busy with something else.

So, today I am sitting at Stella's learning a new pitch or two. I've been working soully on the Kimberly-Clark campaign and need to get started on Global Warming... and perhaps over fishing since sustainable eating is such a passion of mine. (I'll have to ask Candace about the latter though... since I haven't heard of anyone in Denver pitching that campaign and don't know how successful it would be.)

Global warming is such a touchy subject for people, though. I really have had it easy with Kimberly-Clark and deforestation. Few people argue with the fact that we need trees and shouldn't cut them down without replanting. MANY people feel global warming is a load of crap. So, I have to really build up an arsenol of power fact that avoid teh words "global warming" and instead focus on pollution, polar bears and other endangered species, melting polar ice, etc. ...things that can't be denied or written off as "liberal agenda."

The difficulty is in getting straight facts. So many of my colleagues use different numbers. Ayla says "America is 6% of the population but puts out 30% of the CO2." Chris says, "We are 5% of the population but create 30% of the pollution." We were taught in training that we are 5% of the population and put out 25% of the earth's pollution. Which is correct? And is it CO2 or total pollution? And how is that measured? I want to arm myself with the FACTS. I have to be 100% behind them in order to convey strength and conviction. I need to use strong language and build my rejection cycle ammo.

So, I'm researching...

Wish me luck.

Wednesday's Wonders

Annette : Gloria

Our second installment... which fills me with much, much joy!

Wednesday's Wonders

Annette ~ Glo

Inspiration was given to collaborate with my fellow life lovers and photo takers... to create a set of images each day... mine and yours... to urge us ever toward opening up our field of vision and capturing a moment of beauty...

Wednesday's are wonderful... because they are smack dab in the middle of our weeks... a time when it is all too easy for us to forget to keep our eyes open... a time when we so frequently are mired down in the mundane tasks of work and household duties... a time when many of us are just trying push over that "hump" and start the downward slope to our weekends.

I'm so grateful that Annette is willing to conspire with me on this day! And I am hoping to find other willing co-conspirators to capture the magical, delightful moments of every other day of the week.

Who's got Tuesdays?

I was supposed to start at GP today...

I was a bundle of nerves all night, all morning...

...only to find my boss couldn't make it in today due to a family emergency. I was sent home.

It's okay. This flower, the first of my morning glories to bloom, told me a little secret this morning:

"Alice, you are alone in this rabbit hole."

Running In Circles

So this week's Flickr group photo assignment was "Circles," and where better to find them than the grocery store?! So many whole foods are round... or round-ish... from tomatoes, to melons, to brussle sprouts! I also wanted to combine my photo challenge with my self-imposed eating/shopping challenge, so... Safeway provided inspiration on both counts.

I am having a difficult time eating all of the produce I buy before it goes bad. Having a family would be great, but 'tis just me. I bought one of these cabbages, but how on earth will I eat the whole thing without being a gassy mess? I could make a soup and freeze some of it, I suppose, but the challenge there is freezer space. Stacy's freezer is already crammed full of her frozen meals, tons of Tom's venison sausage, and my few frozen piddlings. I also have no appropriate containers (nor the money to purchase them). So? Hmmm... it would have been good to think of this ahead of time.

I suppose I am still in the begining stages and should cut myself a break. At least I've started composting (don't tell Stacy!) and nothing technically goes to waste. Still... half a rotting cabbage seems like a little death to me.

I need to focus more on meal planning... figuring out which local foods are available BEFORE going to the store, creating a rough sketch for a week of meals, and THEN heading to the store. In other words, I need to be ever MORE mindful. This certainly takes practice.

The good news, though, is that I'll soon be able to afford canning and freezing containers! Why? BECAUSE I GOT A JOB!!! That's right! After 9 months of unemployment (I'm not counting the insurance gig because I actually LOST money there), I have finally obtained full-time employment.

And not just ANY employment! I am now working for GREENPEACE! I start Monday morning. I've been assured that there is much advancement potential. A recent hire was promoted after just 3 WEEKS! AND after 90 days, I get full medical and dental benefits... FREE! No co-pays! No contributions (other than a few dollars/mo. for dental)! It's amazing!

I'm uber excited! I finally have a job that will support the earth... make positive changes... help countless people! It's perfect! ...and I can't wait to get started!

(My wallet can't wait either!)